Life After Della

After Della passed away in August of 1983, Ray began to feel that his life had no purpose.  He wanted to leave his apartment and move into the nursing home, even though his health was still good.  He felt that his mind wasn't functioning as it should, and he feared being alone.  

In the beginning there was no room for him at the med center in John Knox, so they sent him to outside facilities.  He wasn't treated with the love and care that he had known at John Knox.  Finally he was moved back "home" and he was happier there.  In August of 1984 he was notified that he would have to give up his apartment if he wanted to continue at the med center.  He gave it up willingly, feeling more secure with constant care.

He needed to feel useful and began his old practice of wheeling people to and from the dining room.  He referred to this as his "job."  

Shortly thereafter, a woman in the med center caught his eye.  Her name was Maud Brink.  The nurses did a little matchmaking and before long it was a true romance.  Maud says that it was his kindness to others that made her notice him.  Their first date was to see the Plaza lighting ceremony on Thanksgiving 1984.  She remembers how excited he was when he came to get her.  John Knox had a bus full of people who attended.

On Christmas Day 1984 Ray announced to his family that he was getting married.  While they were surprised, they didn't try to discourage him.  He was happy with Maud and they were glad to see him coming out of the depression and loneliness he'd been suffering.

Joyce and Ray met with Maud and her daughter, Ann Seibolt, the Saturday after Christmas and started making arrangements.  There was a prenuptial agreement to protect both families at the time of death.  The wedding was scheduled for January 12.  Grandpa said they didn't want to wait because they didn't have much time!  Joyce's husband, Eddie, arranged to have diamonds taken out of Della's ring and made into a new wedding ring for Maud.  Everything went smoothly.  The wedding took place in the chapel at JKV as planned on January 12 with Joyce as matron of honor and Jimmy Brink, Maud's son, as best man.

Because Maud and Ray weren't totally capable of caring for themselves, they moved into an apartment in "C" Building that had round the clock nurses available, but they could keep their privacy in an apartment.  The only thing it didn't have was a kitchen.  All meals were eaten in the dining room unless they weren't able to go, and then they were brought to the room.

Maud and Ray had a wonderful time together.  She was loving and kind and just what he needed.  She thought the world revolved around him, and he was enjoying the attention.  She was good for him, and we all realized it.  

Maud had been a widow for 25 years.  Her husband was pulled into an undertow in Florida with a friend, while Maud and the other wife watched from the shore.  She was also a retired nurse and so sweet and compassionate.

Ray's mind began to slip more and more.  he was forgetful and would ask the same questions over and over.  He could remember the past but not the present.  He was enjoying good health and still found time for daily walks.  He could walk those halls and keep up with the best of them. 

On November 13, 1985, after weeks of being totally unsettled and restless, he fell.  He woke up that morning and told Maud in a completely sensible manner that he wasn't going to live long and that she should contact me to find out how she would be cared for when he was gone.  That afternoon, he fell and hit his head on the bathroom door.  The paramedics were called and he was taken to the hospital.  After numerous tests, nothing was discovered.  Doctors insisted that he hadn't had a stroke or a heart attack and couldn't discover what had caused the fall.   He laid there with his eyes closed most of the time and he couldn't stay awake long enough to carry on a conversation.  At times when he did talk, you couldn't tell if he really knew who you were.  One blessing is that we don't believe he was mentally aware of the situation he was in.

Maud went to see him every day after meals.  The girls would wheel her up there, and she would visit with him, and give him kisses.  He really seemed to respond to her more than anyone.

He had lost weight because of his illness, and in March it became evident that his life wouldn't go on much longer.  March 9, Sunday, the doctor called the family to see what their thoughts were about prolonging his life if he should stop breathing, or if his heart should stop.  The answer was an emphatic, "nothing."  This was a subject that had been discussed many times during Della's illness.  He absolutely did not want to be kept alive.  We asked that he be kept as comfortable as possible, but that nothing be administered to prolong his life.  A card was signed so that his corneas could be donated, because we felt that he would have wanted to help others.

March 11 while Joyce and Maud were sitting with him, his quick and shallow breathing began to slow down until finally he took his final breath.  Joyce had been preparing to leave when Maud came in, but Maud noticed the difference and encouraged her to stay.  Emotions were mixed as he crossed the veil from this earth to a better life.  Being selfish we weren't ready to give him up, but loving him, we were grateful he was no longer suffering.

There are many things that will help him to live on in our memories:

His love of life;

His love of exercise;

The hours he enjoyed walking;

The time spent helping others;

His deep love of family, and always wanting them near.

Some of his silly things :

"What do you know for the good of the order?"  What did that even mean?  It was something he liked to say, though, to see what was on your mind.

"I'd better try one of these to make sure they're good."

"I'd better take this bite so it won't be uneven."

If you said, "me and Sarah want to go ..." he would correct my grammar by saying, "Why do you think Sarah is mean?"

Even when he had a garage door opener, he would always tell us kids that they needed to get out and open the garage door.  When we would then punch the door opener, he would always get this surprised look on his face like we had worked some fantastic miracle.  "How did you do that?  You didn't even get out of the car?"  As little girls, Susan and I would giggle because we thought we tricked him.

We loved ice cream and there wasn't a night that we didn't have a treat before bedtime.  As he and Maud discovered the Sweet Shop at JKV, it became a daily routine.  He justified the expense of a 30 cent cone by saying that he had worked all his life and he deserved it.

He was a wonderful man and our lives will be enriched by his memory.  He still seems a part of our lives because he was such a strong part of them before.  We will never lose the memory of those good times.

Susan and I have come to realize that while Grandpa might not have been a perfect man, or even a perfect husband or father, he was absolutely the perfect grandpa to watch over his two little granddaughters.   We always knew he loved us, and we always knew he would do whatever was in his power to help and be there for us.  Until we meet again, Grandpa.

Note:  The last time I went to visit Grandpa before that final day, Maud had been in the room with me and we were just visiting.  She would ask him if he knew who I was, and with empty eyes, he'd look at me but not recognize me.  She asked several times, and it hurt to think someone who loved me so deeply no longer knew who I was.  She started to ask one more time, and I asked her to please stop, because it just hurt too much.  At that moment, he looked at me, gave me what smile he could muster up, and said, "Of course I know who that is.  It's my old buddy."   That's all I needed to hear.  I never heard his voice again, but I will never forget that day and knowing that whether he could tell me or not, he would always know who I was.

Susan and I were there with our mother when she passed away.  The hospice nurse was also in the room, and we had also been given some counseling about what would take place.  They shared that the dying might stretch out their arm because there is someone on the other side who is coming to get them.  I knew that before our experience with Mom because Eddie's father had seen his brother, Herb, when no one else could.  I've always said that Grandpa has to be the one to come get me or I'm not going.  He's the one person I trust to get me where I need to be.

Retirement

John Knox Village in Lee's Summit, Missouri

The last few years of running the business, we were able to go to Florida around Christmas.  The business was handled so that the majority of sales were made in the fall of the year, and then it was up to the performers.  We would turn the business over to the secretary and take off for Florida until April or May.

Note:  Joyce was the secretary from 1967 - 69.  It wasn't a full-time job, but required someone there to answer the phone, deposit checks, balance the checkbook, mail out reminders and brochures to the schools.  Grandpa had a phone line rigged up part of that time so it came right to my house.  Other times, I had to go to the office, which was in the barn behind the house where our dad used to live.  I had plenty of free time, but I was in charge while they were gone.   I worked there until after I had Spencer, and then went to work for City National Bank. 

We bought a nice condominium on Boca Ciega Bay and relaxed and enjoyed ourselves.  We did this for fourteen years, and would have continued, had the bottom not fallen out of our dreams.

Note:  Grandpa loved being there because he was healthy and active.  Grandma did NOT like going there because she was in a wheelchair and her activities were limited.  On top of that, she missed her grandkids.  

In 1969, Della suffered a severe stroke in Kansas City.  From then on, she continued to make progress until another setback would catch her.  We continued to go to Florida, but Della couldn't get around without the help of a cane or walker and a leg brace.  In January of 1976, while in Florida, she suffered another stroke and a broken hip.  Jim flew down to join us a few days before Della and I took the plane home, and he drove our car home.

May 15, 1976, I received a call from Wren Johnson, Jim's best (drinking) friend!  He said Jim was sick and that an ambulance had been called.  Della was in bed and I left immediately to go to Jim's side.  Ella was in St. Louis visiting family at the time.  Soon after my arrival, the ambulance took him to the hospital and I went home, not wanting to leave Della at home alone.

The next morning I notified Joyce that her dad had taken ill and was in the hospital.  She gave me the number where Ella could be notified and asked if she should come home.  I told her not to worry and that I would keep in contact if things should get worse.  Susan and Gary were in Omaha for the weekend and couldn't be reached.  I didn't know when I called Joyce that in less than an hour, Jim would be dead.

Life continued, but we suffered a great loss at Jim's death.

Because of Della's deteriorating health, and my inability to care for her 100% of the time, we decided to make a move to John Knox Retirement Village where she could be provided the best of care.  We sold our home at 9314 E. 27th Street and all our accumulated belongings from the past 55 years.  Della never would adjust to losing her home.  it was an admission of giving up for her.  It was more of a relief for me because our home and an acre of land was getting to be more than i could handle, especially with Della's condition.

Della and I shared our apartment at John Knox for about a year before her condition worsened and it was necessary for her to stay at the med center there.  I was still able to bring her home almost every day, but she spent most of her day and all night there.  Even though she eventually was unable to leave her room, I could be with her every day.  I walked up to see her five or six times every day and enjoyed being able to be with her.  After 60 years, we had shared a lot of good times and bad, but our love had only grown.

Della began sleeping more and more, and although her mind was alert and she always knew who we were, she was unable to speak.  Visiting her became difficult because we couldn't communicate, but she knew I was there, and at least we could spend time together.  On August 15, she went to sleep and never regained consciousness in that week before her death on August 20.  She had fought a long, hard battle for fourteen years, but the fight finally became too much for her and she slipped into a better world.

Note:  I had gone to see Grandma on the 20th.  We knew her time was short because she couldn't swallow.  Grandpa had told them to just try to make her comfortable without taking any life saving measures.   I didn't understand any of the signs that death was imminent, but I had barely gotten home before Grandpa called and said she had passed away.  I've always been sorry I was in such a rush to get home and hadn't stayed to be there with her, and with him, when she passed.  He's absolutely right, though.  She had fought a hard fight and was ready for that world on the other side.  

Susan

 

Jim took this picture of Susan.
It is classic and I'd love to know what she was thinking about
looking at that little doll bed ladder.
She was born in 1954.  This is probably about 1957.

Susan and Joyce
Joyce's outfit is red

That Ford in the picture was white and pink

Susan and Kitten  1955

Susan ready for the Talent Round Up Rodeo 
with the Musketeers!  

While Jim and Kitten lived in Independence at 2640 Arlington, Susan was born.  She entered this world on September 14, 1954, in the midst of a deep depression and great upheaval in the lives of her parents.  Each of them was blaming the other for causing the fury that was actually tearing them to pieces bit by bit.  Unfortunately for Susan, she didn't enter the world with the excitement and love usually extended to a newborn baby.  There was too much confusion going on, and while all of us suffered, perhaps Susan has suffered the most.

While still in her crib, it was discovered that Susan had the same hip problems as Joyce, and she had to wear a brace immediately.  Unlike Joyce, who had already started walking when the problem was discovered, Susan Didn't have to wear the body cast, but only the brace.  She was a brave little tyke and didn't seem to mind the brace, even though it extended from her foot to her thigh.  Once she started walking, she walked and climbed any place she wanted to go.  The brace didn't seem to bother her a bit.

Jim and Kitten were granted a divorce and Jim moved out.  The children were awarded to Della and me.  We tried our best to give them a normal home life, complete with surrogate mother and father.  Jim lived in the apartment behind the house and went about his own life, but he continued to support the girls.  Della was a wonderful mother to the girls, adding to her busy schedule the task of sewing for them and being there for all their needs.  We loved them with all our hearts, and were thrilled at the challenge of raising them.

In 1958, with Jim infatuated with the lecture business, the five of us, Jim, Della, Joyce, Susan and I went to Hawaii for the purpose of his filming.  Another couple and their son went with us.  When we got there, we stopped at the Hawaiian Hotel on the Island of Oahu.  We had a ground-level room that was adjoined by a huge swimming pool on the same level.  Immediately upon arrival, we parked the girls on the deck of the 10' deep pool, and leaving the women to watch the girls, I went into the adjoining room to change into my trunks.  Della never learned to swim, and as I started to change, I heard a terrible scream telling me Susan had fallen into the pool.   I dropped my pants, ran for the water, but (by the time I got there) Susan had already been rescued.  A boy named Steve Rumpf jumped in and saved her, his father standing by to make sure everything was alright.  It put a scare into us, and we were grateful that Susan had been saved.

Note:  Sue merely leaned forward and slipped into the pool.  No doubt she would have drowned if someone hadn't seen what happened and pulled her out, but reading this now, it sounds so much more dramatic to use the word, "rescued."  This Steve Rumpf was someone the grandparents were so grateful for, they exchanged addresses and sent Christmas cards to each other for many years.

All was going well - the girls were adjusting to their lives - when in 1960 Jim announced that he planned to remarry.  When he told us of his plans to take the girls with him, our hearts sank.  He bought a house only a couple of miles from us, and we thought that we would once again share the closeness we had shared with him and Kitten.  That was not to be.  Jim and Ella were married on June 1, 1960, and she promptly announced to us that we were not welcome in their home unless we were invited.  In 1961 Jim and Ella had a child of their own, James Eugene Moseley, and after that, things grew continually worse.  Ella was jealous of us and our relationship with the girls, and wasn't about to let that spoil her marriage.

When Jim and Ella made their plans plain to us, we thought maybe they knew what was best and we tried to keep a low profile.  The girls continued to spend at least one night a week with us for awhile, but gradually those nights were further between.  We just hoped and prayed that everything was going as it should, and we continued with our lives.

While Susan was a junior in high school, Kitten contacted her and wanted to see her.  Ella pushed the meeting, and it ended up that Susan went to visit Kitten for part of the school year.  Things didn't work out as Susan or Kitten expected, and Susan got on the bus to come home.

Note:  Kitten put Susan on a Greyhound bus by herself and sent her home without telling anyone she was even on that bus and headed to Kansas City!!  Susan called me late at night in possibly March-April of 1971 and asked if I could come pick her up at the bus station downtown.  I didn't feel comfortable doing that, mostly because I was pregnant (which now seems like a stupid excuse), but instead suggested she called Grandpa.  Of course Grandpa picked her up and brought her home for the night.  The next day, Grandpa took her to our dad's house, but they wouldn't let her come back home.  They did allow her to grab some of her things, so that's what she did, and went back to live with Grandpa and Grandma.   

Susan had received a letter from Ella telling her that they were all getting along fine without her, and that she wasn't welcome in their home.  When Susan got off the bus, she called us, and we were happy to go pick her up.  Once again, Susan was home with us, and we were excited to have her.  It wasn't until then that we found out how rough her life had really been with Ella.

Susan was dating, and started getting serious about a boy named Gary Jubratic.  Della and I were crazy about Gary and he was good to us.  He was wonderful to Susan, and before long they decided to get married.  Susan graduated from Van Horn High School in May and they were married in September 1972.  She was only eighteen but Gary was a good person and we thought everything would work out.  Susan gave birth to Felicia Lynn on April 5, 1973, and still things seemed to be working out for them.

Joey in center, Spencer

Jubratics, Gary, Susan, Della, Kitten, Ray

Susan and Gary
Community Christian Church on the Plaza

Gary still seemed to be crazy about Susan, but the marriage wasn't what she wanted.  After a few years, and many trial separations and reconciliations, they were divorced.  Susan took Felicia and Gary went his own way.

I have fond memories of the four of us together - Susan, Gary, Della and me.  Della loved Gary and asked for him up until her death.  We shared many good times together, and have been grateful that we were able to share that time with Susan.  She was a lot of company for Della and me when she came back from Kitten's and we enjoyed having her with us.  We have always loved her and tried to show her our love.  I pray that one day she will understand just how much she IS loved by all of us.

Note:  Ella encouraged Susan to go to Kitten just like she encouraged Joyce to get married.  She wanted both of us out of the house.   I wish that when Daddy got remarried, he would have just left us with Grandma and Grandpa.  It would have been better for all of us.

I do remember that we would ride the school bus to Grandpa's house every Wednesday.  We'd spend the night and go back to school the next day.

Ella was forever asking us what we told "the Moseleys" while we were there.  She felt like we were being interrogated when we were over there.  I'd guess that she was the major reason we didn't go back after awhile.  There was too much going on in our house that she and Daddy didn't want anyone knowing about.  It was just easier if they kept us home with no one to talk to.   As an adult, and a parent, I realize that if there weren't things to hide, it wouldn't have mattered what we talked about.

Funny story about the wedding day.  We all left and went to have dinner somewhere on the Plaza, but when we got there we realized Spencer wasn't there.  We went back to the church and found him there.  We'd left him there alone in all the confusion.  Poor little three year old!!

Joyce Ann

 October 5, 1949 became one of the brightest days of my life when Joyce was born.  We were buddies from the start, and she loved to follow me around.  I was always glad to have her as my shadow.

After she began to walk, it was noticed that there was something not quite right.  A hip that didn't join just right - also a hereditary trait from Kitten's family - was the problem.  (Diagnosed a hip displaysia.  A Dr. Zuber in KCMO is the one who treated her.)  She spent about a year in a cast from her underarms to her knees, but it didn't slow her down a bit.  We were all afraid she would get hurt climbing around, but it didn't seem to bother her at all.

Joyce with brace shown
with Dennis and David Hayes, Tennessee cousins

They always did their best to hide the brace

While long hours were spent on the bulldozer during my days as a homebuilder, the enjoyment of the work was greatly enhanced by my little three year-old buddy.  She always managed to spend a couple of hours a day with me on the bulldozer when the work I was doing was safe.  She was a wonderful little pal, our first grandchild, and our idol.

My Lady Fair

My lady fair is bright and gay,

Her heart is ever true,

With curly locks and big brown eyes 

That thrill me through and through.

Her hearty laugh is sheerest joy

Her teasing voice devine

And it's Heaven when she has

Her little hand in mine.

Or cuddles in my open arms

As fresh as the morning dew

and whispers so no one can hear,

"Dran paw, I luv you."

When troubles come and skies are gray

And it seems the sun will never shine,

My world is bright and all is right,

If her little hand's in mine.

There are those who think of fame and gold

As life's priceless gifts devine,

But all I ask is to feel the touch

Of her little hand in mine.

When Jim's divorce was granted, Joyce and Susan were awarded to Della and me to raise.  We dearly loved the little tots, Joyce then seven, and Susan two, and did our best to raise them in the proper manner.

Joyce was busy with school, dancing lessons and piano.  Della was always busy sewing for the girls - dresses, dancing costumes, and Barbie clothes.  She loved doing for the girls, just as I did.

Every summer we were able to take several weeks' vacation because of my being self-employed, and every year the five of us - Della, Jim, Joyce, Susan, and I would pile into the car and take off.  We always had a wonderful time seeing the sights.

In 1960 Jim remarried and our unbelievably happy bubble burst.  It had never occurred to us that he might remarry and take the girls away from us, but that's exactly what happened.  He moved only about two miles from us, but his new wife, Ella Eugenia Stuerman, let us know in no uncertain terms that we were not welcome unless we were invited.  The girls went with their father, but they continued to visit us at least once a week for years.

Joyce and I only had one disagreement that amounted to anything in our entire lives.  One night when she was at our house visiting, she got upset with me because I wanted her to get off the telephone.  When she finally did get off, she went into the bedroom and sneaked out the back door to run away.  When I discovered she was gone, I got in the car and went looking for her.  I found her on Westport Road, walking home (to her Dad's) in the dark.  I tried and tried to persuade her to get in the car, but it took several attempts.  She did finally get in, and I took her home.

When Joyce was not yet seventeen, she married (Bill Cadwalader) , with still a year left of school.  Although we were heartsick over it, we supported her decision 100%.  The marriage was a mistake that ended in divorce in 1969, but not before it gave us two wonderful grandchildren, Joey Sue born on April 12, 1967 and Spencer Lee born on March 23, 1969.

Senior Picture

The back of this photo, in Grandma's handwriting, says "The bastard."

Joyce married Eddie Pierce on December 27, 1969 and on June 4, 1971, Denise Ann was born.   Eddie was a car salesman at the time of their marriage but Joyce persuaded him to find a more stable career and he ended up going to work for Helzberg Diamonds as a salesman in 1973.  They lived in our little house next door at 9312 E. 27th Street, and rented it from us for $75 a month until they bought it from us later for $15,000.  Again, we felt safe and secure having family close by.

In 1974 Ed was promoted to manager and they all moved to Duluth, Minnesota.  We hated to see them all leave, but knew they had to go.  They later lived in Oklahoma City and Denver and we were able to visit them there over the holidays.  They always came home to Kansas City on vacations, too, but seeing them twice a year wasn't all we wanted.

In 1981 Ed was promoted and moved back to Kansas City, and everyone was thrilled.  Once again, we were all back together.

Note:  The common thread in most of Grandpa's posts are his joy when we are all together as a family.  I love that.

My grandparents despised Bill but to their credit, they did do everything they could to support us.  They invited us over for dinner, and they even bought us a good mattress to go on our second hand bed.  All of the furniture we had came from an apartment Grandpa had, when the renter took off without paying rent.   When Bill left during the second pregnancy, they were thrilled.  I remember that last Christmas and Grandma had given him a gift.  Later that day, he packed up and left.  Grandma was happy he was gone, but said she wish she'd have known because she wouldn't have gotten him anything.  That was Grandma!

Grandpa actually bought that house at 9312 so Bill and I would have a place to live.  We had been evicted from a duplex on Sterling and were living with his parents (foster parents?  Clarence and Velda Hartshorn).  We wanted to move out.  More specifically, he wanted to move out because they weren't pleased with the life he was leading.  We couldn't find a place, so Grandpa bought that house and rented to us.  When Bill left, Grandpa suspended my paying the rent until I had my baby and could get back to work.  As soon as I found a job at City National Bank, I started paying him again.

When Eddie and I married, we lived there, and eventually bought it and added on a bedroom and bathroom on the front where a screened in porch had been.

It was wonderful living next door to them because they often invited us down for dinner, and my kids went back and forth all the time.  It was good for all of us.  But especially during the Bill days, I'm sure they knew every night he didn't come home.  Still, they kept quiet.  They were the best.  I only wish I had confided in them and let them know what was going on.

Also ... I did get married 3 days before the start of my senior year.  I worked at Sears in the afternoons after school and "graduated" at semester.  I then found out I was one credit short for failing home ec.  I went to night school so I would graduate with everyone else, but that night school credit showed that I graduated from that school and not Van Horn.   I've always been unhappy about that.

James Graham Moseley

Within six months of our honeymoon we learned that we were expecting our first child.  Della's pregnancy went along as expected but the delivery was difficult.  He arrived breech on July 13, 1924.  The delivery was rough on Della, and her health never was quite the same after that.

Jim was named after both our fathers - James Alexis Bage and James Harding Moseley.  His middle name was taken from Della's mother's name - Therma Graham.  He was born in Kansas City, Kansas, and we were as happy as any two proud parents ever were.  He was a good baby and grew to be a pleasure to both our lives.

Jim worked hard as a youngster, working right alongside me at the dairy.  When he was about nine, he had his own horse, Tarzan, and he would spend much of his time with Tarzan.

Jim attended Rock Creek Elementary School in Independence, Missouri, and Della became active in the Parent Teacher's Association there.

After elementary school he attended William Chrisman High School, and it was there that he became friends with a fellow classmate, Margaret Truman.  He graduated from Chrisman in 1942, shortly before his 18th birthday.

World War II had already broken out and Jim was on his way to Park College in Parkville, Missouri.  Jim was happy to be out on his own and we were happy that he wasn't too far that we couldn't visit when we wanted.  He worked part time while going to school, and Della was available for relief work on the telegraph for the packing companies in town.  She enjoyed getting out and earning some money on her own.  I was working for Clara Harris and was out on the road traveling a good part of the time.

Jim left Park College to attend Texas Christian University in Texas.  It was there that he started thinking about going into the ministry.

From TCU he went to Yale and graduated there in 1946.  We were proud that our only child had been able to attend college, become such an excellent student, and graduate from a fine university.  Our happiness was overwhelming and our lives were complete.

Jim had met Kitten the Christmas before graduation and it was fascination at first sight.  Their infatuation grew into love and they were married on Jim's birthday, July 13, 1947.

With Jim out of school, they traveled together selling cosmetics.  We were convinced they would carry on the business and we were ready to sit back and relax.

After their marriage, they moved in with us, and we lived as one large family.  That was what we all wanted, and we were all happy.

Jim's first church was in Gallatin, Missouri.  From there he went to Higginsville, Missouri, and it was while there that their first child, Joyce, was born.  Higginsville is only about 20 miles from Kansas City, and we attended his church whenever possible.  After Higginsville, he became minister of the Blue Ridge Christian Church in Kansas City, Missouri, and we were thrilled at the prospect of having Jim and Kitten back home with us again.

2100 Elm, Higginsville

  

They moved into the house I built at 2640 Arlington and we were only two houses away.  Kitten had a beauty shop put in the basement, and she was busy all day with her business.  Jim was busy with the church and it seemed they had everything going for them.

Storm clouds began appearing, however, and we became aware that there was something wrong.  Susan was born on September 14, 1954, and shortly after that, their marriage ended in divorce.

At the time of the divorce, the girls were given to Kitten, but Jim went back to court to try to get custody, and was successful.  We were to raise the girls - Jim, Della and me.  Although we missed the closeness we had shared with Jim and Kitten, we were happy to have him and the girls back home with us.

We converted the barn behind the house into an apartment, and Jim seemed content to live there.  The girls lived with us, and we tried our best to give them a normal family life.  The five of us spent a lot of time together, including vacations.  Jim would spend vacations filming for his presentations, and we would all go together.  We had some of the best times of our lives when we were together.

In 1960 Jim announced that he had met the girl of his dreams and they planned to be married.  They had only known each other a very short time and had been introduced by a mutual friend.  They couldn't wait to be married, and on June 1, 1960, they were wed (in Miami, Oklahoma).  He moved out of his place here and moved into her apartment downtown.  She was a Braniff stewardess and lived in a high rise apartment on Pennsylvania Avenue.

When Jim met Ella he was campaigning for Congressional District #4 from Missouri.  She quit her job and went campaigning with him.  They bought a house at 2911 Ashland Ridge only a few miles from us, and moved in on August 1, 1960  That day was also election day, and Jim lost the race.

ADD CONGRESSIONAL BUSINESS CARD HERE

Jim was still preaching at Blue Ridge, campaigning during the week, when he married Ella.  It was a bit of a shock to the congregation when he announced he had a wife, and things started to change somewhat.  May 24, 1961, Ella gave birth to a son, James Eugene Moseley, named for Jim, and his middle name came from Ella's middle name, which was Eugenia.  Jim was doing a lot of traveling for International Lectures and working on his sermons while on the road.  He was always there on Sunday to preach, but the members wanted him there during the week.  With a family to support, he didn't feel he could live on the church salary, and he enjoyed the traveling associated with the lecture business, so he resigned from the church.  In 1962 he started a new career with Alexander Hamilton Company as a sales representative.  He was a good salesman, and won awards from them repeatedly for top salesman in the company.  He worked for them about ten years and left them because of health problems.

The next two years were spent working at part time jobs.  He filled in occasionally for ministers on vacation, sold encyclopedias, and car alarms.  He and Ella had discovered years ago that their marriage was not one that was made in paradise, and with his health deteriorating, this compounded the problem.

In May of 1976, Ella took Jimmy to her home town of Warrenton, near St. Louis, Missouri, for a family baptism.  Jim was home alone and became ill.  He called a good friend, Wren Johnson, and he called me.  When we arrived an ambulance was called and he was taken to the hospital.  Wren went with him, but I went back home because Della was sick in bed, and I couldn't leave her alone for very long.

The morning of May 16, I called Joyce in Oklahoma City to try to locate Ella.  I told her that her dad had been taken to the hospital.  I assured her that he would be alright, and there was no need for her to come home from Oklahoma.  I called Ella and told her the circumstances, and she said she would come home.  Before I left for the hospital, I received a call that Jim had passed away.  The cause of death was heart attack, which was brought on by his diabetes.  Susan was in Omaha, Ella could not be reached, and I called Joyce to tell her about her dad.  It was a blackened day for all of us.

Note:  So his "illness," was alcoholism.  And the night he was taken to the hospital, he and Wren had been drinking together.  I always remembered Grandpa had gotten to the hospital that next morning and heard the "code blue" as he stepped off the elevator, so he never got to be with Dad before he passed away.  It makes sense, though, that he got the call that he had passed before he drove there, because the time between his first call to me and the second one was only about an hour. 

Once I got the news that he had passed, we began packing to head back to KC.  We had just been there the week before for Mother's Day.  I was grateful we had all been together because we kept trying to get home and something always came up.  This was our last time to be together, and we took a family picture.

post picture

Before leaving OKC, I kept calling my mother to tell her.  When I was about to give up, she finally answered.  I remember crying almost all the way to Kansas City.  We all met at Grandpa's house - Sue and Gary came in after we got there.  Ella came there and then learned he had died.  After that, we all went to Daddy's house, and I remember Sue and I going into his office.  We hugged and cried.  That was his room.  It just didn't seem right that he wasn't there and wouldn't be coming back.

More on Higginsville from Joyce:
https://justjoyce2012.blogspot.com/search?q=higginsville

Oletha Hayes A.K.A. "Kitten"

 

At Clara Harris we had a very closely knit family of employees with a minimum of discontent and few complaints, if any.  One of our very best, if not our best employee, was Oletha Hayes, who we lovingly called "Kitten."   She was a sales representative covering several of the southern states and was doing an outstanding job.  She led the sales girls in sales nearly every week.  She was one of the finest people I ever knew.

One weekend while reporting in, she made the statement that she would like to meet my son, Jim, who was away at Yale University.

I'm not sure what interested her in Jim, but she kept reminding me that she wanted to meet him.  Christmas was only a couple of weeks away, and I told her he would be home then.  Whether accidentally or purposely, she managed to be in Kansas City during the holidays, and I introduced them.  It was fascination at the first meeting, and adoration at the second meeting the next day.  From that point on, there was nothing that would describe their feelings for each other except, "love."  They were inseparable and on July 13, 1947 they were married.

School was out then and they stated traveling together - making an exceptionally fine sales team.  Jim was finished with schooling at Yale and we were ecstatic, and firmly convinced we had a team to carry on the business in an improved manner.  We were all set for retirement.   (WHAT BUSINESS?)

When Kitten and Jim married, they didn't exactly move away.  They just moved in with us when in town, and we continued as one enlarged family.  That was what we all wanted, and we were all very happy.  I wrote this poem for Kitten, as I knew we would all be separated a great deal (approximately 90%) of the time.

POEM

Jim went on to become a minister, and in 1949 he and Kitten were blessed with their first child, Joyce Ann, on October 5.  Our lives now seemed to be complete.

Jim and Kitten moved into a house I built for them just down the street, and once again we were all close together.  2640 Arlington.  Storm clouds began appearing, however, and we became aware that there was something amiss in the apparently idyllic marriage of Jim and Kitten.  A second child, Susan, was born on September 14, 1954, and shortly after that, their marriage ended in divorce.  I believe that was one of the darkest days in my life.

NOTE:  Grandpa called her Kitten because of her "catty" and witty remarks.  She was always known as Kitty, or Kitten, and even to grandkids, she was "Grandma Kitty."

Mom operated a beauty shop out of the basement of that house.  It was built with an outside entrance.  She was a hard worker and I spent many days sitting in the hair dryer chair just watching all the activity and listening to the conversations.  Later, when my parents divorced, Mom rented out the upstairs and she lived in the basement.  Connected to the little shop, which only took maybe a quarter or third of the basement, was just a basement area, and then a living area.  The basement area had a washer and dryer and a Coke machine!  No refrigerator.  No stove.  I believe the only sink and bathroom were in the beauty shop.  I don't think Mom ate much back then, but if she needed anything kept cold, it went in the back of the Coke machine.  She probably only weighed about 95 pounds at the time.  The living area had one twin bed, a television, and a couch.  After the divorce, when Sue and I would spend the night, we would all sleep in that twin bed.  I think she wanted to keep us as close to her as she could, knowing she had to return us to our dad on Saturday morning.   I have sweet memories of Mom rubbing our backs until we finally drifted off to sleep.  At that point in her life, she basically owned nothing.

After our dad remarried in 1960, Mom's story is that she didn't want to get in the middle of that and moved to Mississippi without so much as a goodbye.  We didn't know until 1968 that she was even still living.  She had been writing us through the years, but our dad wasn't letting us have the letters.  Finally, in a rare moment of kindness, our stepmother delivered one of her letters to me and then Sue and I started building a relationship with her.  Sue even went to live with her for awhile in Mobile.

Alcohol and infidelity are what ruined that marriage.  I believe they both loved each other the rest of their lives but they just couldn't get it together.  Too many things that needed forgiving and effort.

I don't remember my father living in our house.  I guess he was always traveling with International Lectures, while Mom was always home with us.  

When Mom came back into our lives in 1968, I will have to say that my grandparents welcomed her with open arms.  I believe it was a serious slap in the face to our dad.  He never saw her, but he knew Grandma and Grandpa had her in their house and were happy to have her back.  They always loved her, and to their credit, were willing to keep the past IN the past.

International Lectures and Jim

Letterhead captured from a letter Grandpa had written Joyce

Jim was the minister of Blue Ridge Christian Church about two miles from our new home and was doing very well there.  He was an exceptionally fine speaker and it was a great pleasure to listen to him preach.  The church was crowded each Sunday and the size of the church more than doubled within a couple of years.

Jim and a friend of his from Higginsville made a picture-making trip to the Holy Land and brought back some wonderful 35mm films of the sights they had seen there.  We had a party in our back yard and invited 200 people to a barbecue.  We talked Jim into showing his film.  To say his film showing was a hit would be putting it mildly.  The pictures were excellent but his particular style and comments made it an outstanding affair.  The crowd went wild with enthusiasm and requests for him to show his films in school soon started coming in without any solicitations.

After having covered the schools in this vicinity, Jim was so pleased with the reception he was receiving that he found it hard to spend the time in his church that he should have been spending.  There were some complaints on this time away from the church, but he couldn't think of giving up chances to lecture and show his film.

Jim came to me one day and asked if I would take the time to sell his presentation to a few schools beyond the orbit of his present coverage.  This would allow him more time with the church.  I was completely sold on his presentation of the film and agreed to see what I could do.  It occurred to me that if I was going to break even on the operation, I needed more than one program to sell.

Jim's friend, Bob Davis, had just made a trip to Iceland, and had made a beautiful film of that country.  He was showing it at our house one night when I decided I might come up with a small profit if I could promote both Jim's and Bob's films.

Bob was anxious for a greater audience, and I started out in nearby towns in Kansas and Missouri, offering the films of the two producers in the schools.  It was a huge success, and from this small beginning, International Lectures, Inc. was born.  We joined the American Platform Association, Inc. and each year attended their National Platform Association meetings in Lakeside, Ohio.  The finest talent in the country would exhibit their skills and talents, which covered about anything you could mention.

LAKESIDE OHIO - My Memories of these yearly trips there (Joyce)

We would spend two weeks each year listening and viewing all the top-notch acts in the country.  From this group of talented entertainers, we would select a slate of talent to show their wares all over the middle west in grade schools, high schools, and colleges.

We were very careful to select exceptionally good talent, and soon had a stable of around fifteen very talented acts.  We covered nine states in the Midwest.  The talent was selected to best fit in with schools, and while once in a while we would get a loser, we were exceptionally lucky in selecting only acts that kids would like.  The business grew by leaps and bounds.

The business continued, although Jim later stepped out to accept a job with Alexander Hamilton Institute.  In 1978 the business was sold and we went into retirement.

NOTE:  Grandpa ran this business from his basement.  He had a secretary who came in every day and also had salespeople.  I remember Goldie and Erman Gray.  They would go out to the schools before the school year started and present the flyers for the upcoming year.  When they sold a program, they'd mail their contracts in and when the time came to cut it off for the year, he would start scheduling.  I worked for him when I graduated from high school.  1967 - 69.  He had a huge map of the midwest on the wall, and each performer had their own color of round push pin.  For instance, when there was a contract for my dad, who might have had a blue pin, Grandpa would place that pin in the city.  Once he had all the pins in place for all of the performers, he would schedule.  He knew he had to allow drive time from one city to another.  Sometimes he could only schedule two shows a day, sometimes three.  It's amazing that he made it work from that system.

Once the shows were scheduled, we would notify the schools when the acts would be there.

I remember that Jim Post was one of my favorites.  He was the chaplain at Leavenworth Penitentiary, and that's where the boys from In Cold Blood were incarcerated.  In that movie, based on a book by Truman Capote, it shows them at the bus station using a pay phone to call Jim Post.

Jay Bee Flesner was another performer who taught about proper grammar.  He was a bachelor and quite a personality.  Students and teachers all liked him, even though he could be a bit abrupt at times.  He is the one who came in to work with Grandpa after Dad left, and eventually bought the business.  It didn't last long after that.  

There was one performer who had a black cocker spaniel named King.  It came time for King to retire, and he became our dog.  King loved to run the neighborhood, walking with us kids and later grandkids everywhere we went.  He even followed the postman every day from the top of 27th and Westport, all the way through the subdivision mentioned in the Real Estate section of this blog.

Good times.  Good memories.   I learned so much from working with Grandpa.  He would dictate letters to me that I would take down in shorthand, and then type.  I believe my writing style mimics his because we spent so much time writing together.  

Ella and Jim

Jim and Della

Jim behind the projector (on the right)

Jim on left

Jim and ? at Colosseum in Rome

Jim

Jim on right

Ray and Della's 25th wedding anniversary
Kitten and Jim next to them